Because Diets Don't Work

I've spent years dieting. My weight has gone down and up and up and down. Right now, I'm doing the best I can to be the healthiest I can.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Hey Beautiful! How Do We Connect?

I have searched all over this website for a place where I can search for other users. How do I do that? How do I find like-minded people so I can give/receive support and encouragement? I really want to make more friends on here because I need a safe environment to come and talk about food, my weight loss, my life, and all my issues where I won't feel triggered. By triggered, I mean my ED or bipolar disorder. Both things are chemical, but they can also be triggered my a situation or person.

There are times where I hate being bipolar, more so than I normally do. As my mooods change, so does my motivation for losing weight.

When I'm manic, weight loss is easy and it is fun, no matter if I lose .2 lbs or 3 lbs a week. Mania is one of the best feelings and scariest feelings in the world. You are high as a kite, with your brain moving 25mph. Speech and thoughts both race, but anyone who knows you well is able to keep up, so it doesn't matter. You don't feel tired, so you don't sleep and many more things can get accomplished. However, at the same time, there is that anxiety gnawing at the back of your mind, just waiting for the crash because you know it will be horrible. Depression is bad, but depression after Mania is even worse.

When I'm depressed or becoming depressed, weight loss can go either way. My appetite may become completely shot, so I lose weight quickly or I may become ravenous and have to struggle to lose weight. Either way, when I'm depressed, weight loss becomes a chore and ceases to be fun. The less I lose when I'm depressed, the more depressed I become. It digs the whole deeper and deeper. I can tell when I'm becoming depressed even before I really feel it because I step on the scale and the loss no longer excites me. In fact, it starts to make me anxious. Especially on days where I lose a lot of weight because I fear the weight loss will end soon and I will start gaining again, as that has been my story so many times.

I need to learn better coping skills and stop pushing myself so hard. I think everything will be okay then. Medication would help too, but that is out of reach right now as I have no insurance and am paying for my wedding, so very little extra spending money.

But most importantly, I need to keep reminding myself: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. I think every person should tell him/herself that every day! Look in the mirror and say it with me, "YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!" Then smile and look at that gorgeous face! See? Isn't your day already better? Mine is now! I actually smiled at myself. So now I'm off to shower, get dressed, do my makeup and hair, and enjoy the day!

Have a wonderful day everyone!

Egg beaters wrapped in a "FlatOut" tortilla

[Note to self: Go grocery shopping before your food options get too boring...]

"Smart Ones" Creamy rigatoni with broccoli & chicken

[Yay being a college student and eating frozen meals! Lol. If only the kitchen in the commons building was clean, then I could cook. Too bad I'm not cleaning up after a bunch of irresponsible children ...]

1/8 of meat trio pizza [less than one serving]
1 bread stick [1/2 serving]
1 small piece of chocolate cake

[Ashley made Red Baron pizza and chocolate cake for Jasmine's birthday. I figure I would rather eat a little bit of each than to feel deprived. I know that one meal won't screw up everything.]

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